Straight From My Corny Heart
I wish there is a way to tell those we love how totally and absolutely we adore them; to let them fully understand the whole extent of our feelings. For the significant other, I would have loved to compose a beautiful ballad or paint a masterpiece or sculpt a monument that would leave an indelible impression not only on her heart, but through her soul as well. But these things are beyond the realm of my capabilities; these are things that I can only dream about. I am not one of those gifted enough who can make the world stand still with their creations, I only have these words, these feeble attempts at creating a semblance of literature (pathetically mediocre attempts at that); these words that lose their meaning when they are spoken not unlike the waning of a full moon when the morning sun approaches.
More often than not, I become a bumbling fool when I try to put into spoken words the very things that overwhelm me; those thoughts and feelings that course through my being when I think about her. I thought I’ve worked around this limitation by giving form to these thoughts and feelings through written words, but without the corresponding breaks and pauses of speech, they seem to fall flat on their letters.
I thought about reading aloud what I have written but it’s not the same. There’s a contrived element to it that makes the entire exercise sound like poetry reading. And even that is incomplete and not quite acceptable.
Still, the best I can come up with is to speak directly from my heart (no rehearsals or glances on any written note); to just open a wound and let my blood gush forth. It’s a fool’s effort I know, but somehow the bumbling idiot that I’m reduced to allows me to convey the earnestness of what’s real inside minus the false pretenses of an eloquently delivered but premeditated speech. But no matter how much I try to speak (stuttering and flailing) about my thoughts and feelings and doing my darnedest to mold these into the most beautiful things that can be imagined and actually felt by the significant other, somehow I feel that it’s still not enough.
Oh well, it only goes to show that when it comes to matters of the heart, some things are better said with a sigh and a smile.
