Of Males and Pigs

“Why must you look for somebody else when you already have someone beside you?”

“Can’t you help yourselves?”

Honey, I totally understand where you’re coming from. You must have given your guy all the attention in the world and then some. And for some bizaare inexplicable reason, after all the lovin’ you’ve given him, he went off and banged some chic he met in a chatroom. It only means that youre man is one fucking stud, I mean jerk.

But you see honey; it’s not totally his fault. He just can’t help it. Nature endowed your man with raging testosterones. And it only takes a woman’s swaying hips for his hormones to take over, rendering your guy totally defenseless (read: horny). So don’t be too hard on him, he is already, uhrm, hard-pressed as it is.

“So you’re saying that having hormones is an excuse to act like a pig?”

No, never like a pig, although pigs are rumored to have 30 minute orgasms (something that a lot of us men would lose parts of our anatomy for), were more like cocks– I mean roosters. You don’t see any self respecting rooster in a chicken house stick to one hen do you? Egg production would take a huge dive and that spells trouble for everyone. The farmer might think that the other hens can’t lay eggs and haul them to the slaughterhouse instead (Note: Im not sure if chickens need to couple in order to lay eggs but hey, this is my post so back off!). A rooster sticking to one hen could also lead to mad hen disease since all the other hens that were ignored could get depressed and since they cant get their claws on prozac, their depression could lead to insanity.

Seriously though, you wouldn’t like to have a man who only sleeps with you just because he can’t get laid somewhere else, would you? What would that make you?

“Then you don’t have a problem with your girl sleeping with other guys.”

As long as she’s discreet about it, then its ok. Besides, If I don’t hear anything about it, then it never actually happened.

“You’re a sick man. I don’t even know you got a girlfriend.”

Well, doncha wish your boyfriend was sick like me? And believe me darling, my girlfriend? She gets it every time (wink wink, nudge nudge). By they way, you haven’t given me your number yet.

“Oh, go to hell!!”

Hell? Now that’s hot.