Bittersweet

Don’t you just love that word?  No matter how inadequate it is?  The bard also coined the phrase ’sweet sorrow’ to describe the feeling associated with goodbyes. 

A couple of months ago, I watched in fascination as a friend appeared to be losing his mind over the marriage of an ex.  I do not know the inner workings of his emotions, having known him to be a reserved dead fish.  I do know however that there was a point in his life when he was so madly in love with somebody despite the tragic circumstances (his words not mine).   

He used tragic because for one, the timing sucked.  He was with somebody.  And two, he was with somebody he also loved.  Spare me the ‘holier than thou’ thoughts.  Things like that happen all the time.  The only question there is, what the hell are you gonna do about it?  

The friend took the money back guarantee route, try the thing out for a couple of weeks or so and then bolt if it aint working.  Tell nobody, and nobody gets hurt.  Of course somebody always ends up getting hurt, but we’re human we like to make believe.  

So the friend did what he thought was right at that time.  He was probably singing in his mind then, ‘how could something that feels so right be so wrong’.  Yeah, I know, he’s always been a moron; even until now.  He got on with it, got jiggy with the unfortunate lass who also loved him back, ferociusly (again, his words).  

To cut the long story short, the affair was cut short one way or another.  They had a rather painful falling out, but not because they loved each other less.  The timing was just unfortunate.  To put it more succinctly and repeatedly, the timing sucked. 

Judging by my friends actions then, you would think that everything was just peachy in his world.  He’s got the girl (the original girl), he’s got the job, heck he’s got what every third world yuppy could possibly ask for.  

Then came that time a couple of months ago.  He would suddenly laugh out loud and raise his hands to his head (think Thierry Henry whenever he misses a goal) that I would ask him everytime’96 ‘what, so you’re Gallic now?’  

Of course everything had to be discussed over libations. 

In between puking everything he ate and imbibing liters of beer, he casually mentioned that a girl is getting married.  That it was a girl he once loved deeply and in total abandon.  I reacted the way normal human beings react to irritating things.  I raised my eyebrows and in my coolest high school dude imitation, said’96 ‘Dude, what the fuck, get over it!’  He raised his glass and drank some more. 

I agree, I should have been more sensitive.  Just because I have a really good thing going on doesn’t mean everybody else is doing fine as well. 

But why is it always the case?  You break up with somebody, go your separate ways, create separate memories, be happy with other people, and yet when you learn that an ex is getting married, all those good and not so good memories come rushing back and hit you in the gut like a 10 wheeler truck going at a gazillion miles per hour?  Why is that?  Can’t we be unadulteratedly happy for them?  Can’t we just project plain happiness towards somebody we used to love minus the pangs of the what ifs and the what could have beens? 

Why can’t we be rid of that bittersweet feeling when we learn of a former flames impending doom err.. marriage?  Why must goodbyes be such sweet sorrow?  Is this really what it means to be human? 

Please tell me, ‘coz I couldn’t relate at all.