Tortured Rant

This is probably the closest I'll get to giving birth.  I've been having this incisor-induced migraine for hours now.  I've already OD'd on pain killers and have taken out my emergency ration of Bacardi to somehow blunt the pain.  I should have scheduled that root canal wayyy sooner.  But I love dentists like a hole in the head– those maniacs with their drills and their gum separators and their needles– thus, I only knock on their antiseptic doors when it's absolutely necessary, and tonight's ordeal fits perfectly in that category.

 To take my mind off things I moan and I moan and I moan, which reminded me of some neurotic author who said that people moan because they like it; otherwise, he said, they wouldn't be doing that exercise repeatedly.  That schizophrenic prick! Of course I'll moan, I'm in glorious pain!

I remember a b-movie where some lunatic dentist tortures his victims by messing with their nerve ends.  He does it by drilling holes in their teeth minus anesthesia and he goes deeper so he can inflict more pain.  That movie probably started my animosity towards the dental profession.  You can mess around with body parts but nerve ends?  That's just mean. 

Do you know that slicing the tips of your fingers is more painful than doing an incision on your stomach?

Hmm, alcohol's working.  Time to sleep off this nightmare.