Love Is Some Scary Shit

Here’s an anti-Valentine story.

Two nights ago, because of coding and all, I could not bring my car to the office.  This always creates a problem for me because after office rush-hour taxi drivers are such primadonna bloodhounds.  If you happen to flag down an empty cab, for example, they would only lower their passenger side window just a bit and ask where you want to go; if you happen to mention any place outside of Makati, they’ll shake their heads and drive away.  Either that or they will stall for a bit and ask you how much you’ll pay them– citing traffic and whatever bs they can think of.  It can be somewhat frustrating. 

So what I usually do, I just stay very late in the office, until around 10 pm, and weather the traffic rush.  I then stand on the curb and be really choosy about which taxi to get into.  And during that hour, believe me, taxi drivers are the most docile of all animals (but animals still), slowing down and sucking up to me even when I don’t flag them.  

Anyway, as I said, two nights ago, I got into this almost top of the line Toyota Vios taxi.  I have already snubbed 6 previous taxis that were wagging their tails at me.  I was very hard to please then and even a small dent on the taxi’s bumper would be a deal breaker.  So there we were, speeding along Makati Ave. when the driver started talking. 

“Oh crap, a talker.” I said under my breath.

“Ang lupit ng kapalaran ko pare.” He said. 

Being the civilized person that I am (harhar), I had to indulge his whim and politely responded;

“Bakit naman po?”

“Iniwan ako ng asawa ko pare.”  He said in an almost broken voice.  

As he said that he stepped hard on the accelerator which made the taxi lurch and I almost got slammed to the back seat.  “You suicidal prick!” I muttered out of earshot.  I had to contain myself as the bastard was obviously in pain.

“Ganun? Anong nangyari?”  I asked while trying to right myself from the slumping position he got me into.

“Di ko nga alam eh.  Binibigay ko naman sa kanya lahat ng kita ko.  Halos pinapatay ko na nga sarili ko sa pagda-drive para lang mabili niya yung mga luho niya.  Putangina talaga!” 

At this time, we were already running at almost 100kph.  Although this may not seem like much, but when you’re driving in Metro Manila, with all the traffic and vehicles and pedestrians and pedicabs, this is like asking for it.  I can almost feel my balls creeping up to my throat.

“Easy ka lang pare, buti nga yan habang maaga nalaman mo na kung anong klaseng tao talaga yung asawa mo.”  I said this with my eyes almost closed, wincing everytime we miss every vehicle we pass by less than an inch.  I was praying like hell that we would arrive at our destination in one piece.

“Sumama pa talaga sa kumpare ko, ang walanghiya! Dinala lahat ng aming naipon.  Kapag nakita ko yung dalawang yun, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na patayin sila!”

Holy mother of God, we were almost flying.  It seems everytime he remembers something nasty, he steps on the accelerator some more.  Had my constitution been any weaker, I would have introduced him to what I had for dinner earlier.

“Wag mo namang hayaang sirain ng asawa mo ang buhay mo pare.  Sigurado pag wala nang pera yun, gagapang yun pabalik sayo.”  

I had to resort to all the bullshit I know to pacify him.

“Mga hayop sila.”

“Steady lang pare, wag mong sayangin ang buhay mo sa mga walang kwentang tao.”

Thankfully we arrived safely, visibly shaken but still intact.  I paid him the fare, and wished him the best of luck.  I can only surmise how many people out there share the same fate as that poor taxi driver.