I know I’m getting used to being alone now, but during times like these when I’m really feeling it, my solitude is like a 10megaton ball of iron that’s hanging round my neck.  The pain goes somewhere that even the face-numbing effects of alcohol can’t reach it.  I tried to just feel where it’s gonna end but it seems to be going down a bottomless pit.  It just goes on and on and on that sometimes I think it’s worse than death.  Death is something that ends, like a period.  This is one long fucking hyphen.

I would buy a gun if I’m not too goddamn lethargic right now.

Funny thing about missing someone; there are times when you feel that you miss somebody and yet when they’re around you’re kinda annoyed and can’t wait for them to go back to where they came from.  I’m not sure about other folks but this happened to me a couple of times. 

 My theory on this is that, when the thought of missing somebody crosses our minds, that feeling is usually prompted by something.  Boredom is one, seeing other folks doing lovey-dovey stuff is another, or it could be about a movie that’s just begging to be watched with a date. 

Usually these things have a timeframe.  And since we can’t have our way and teleport our SOs at a moment’s notice, when they do arrive, the feeling is gone, we’re back to normalcy and well, you couldn’t wait for the other person to disappear. 

How’s that for a little keyboard analysis?

LDRs suck.  Especially when you need someone to talk things over with.  Or even just someone to sit and hold hands with.

Do you need anybody?
I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love.

Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah.

I know of some families who have invested everything just so their daughter/son can get the nursing education they need and of course pass the board exam.  Being a registered nurse has for some become the means that their families can get out of the mire of poverty.  And now everything hangs in a balance.

The Nursing Board Exams usually have a passing rate of 50%.  But what if you’re on the other half of that passing percentage?  What happens then?  Work in a call center?

For some examinees, not passing would just be a temporary delay in their career superhighway.  For some it means despair not just for themselves, but especially for their families who, like themselves, are waiting with bated breath for the Nursing Board Exam Results.

It is funny though, being drunk that is.  You’re kinda up to your neck in water and you’re just barely making it to the surface.  You try to keep everything in just so they don’t spill out like vomit.

Unlike most foks, I don’t like being drunk.  I don’t like taking advantage of my intoxicated state to be an ass or behave like one.  When I feel the buzz hitting me, I think about the hangover and the nausea and the stupidity that goes hand-in-hand with it.

I think about the laughter at my expense and the satisfaction that people get to see me vulnerable.  I don’t like making people feel good about themselves at my expense.

Having said that, here’s to never taking a drop of alcohol ever again for as long as I shall live. Hic.

The bad thing about this is that I\’92m not growing (at least in mindset).  The good thing about this is that I\’92m not growing. Lol.  It\’92s a bad thing and a good thing at the same time.  Maybe I should change my name to Peter Fencesitter.  Hmm.. not bad at all.

Dealing with the aftermath of the exams was easy.  You just smile as graciously as you can as people congratulate you and try not to read too much into the leery smiles that some relatives give you (hmm, I wonder why that is?).

Standing on point B (the point where you’ve actually passed) is exciting; there’s limitless potential, the path to success has been opened up to you and you only need to pick which one suits you best.  Whether you choose to work like a dog (hello SGV!) or sell sugared water (erm Coke?) is entirely up to you.

The real challenge however is the distance from point A(after you get your BS Accountancy degree) to point B.  I’ve known a lot of brilliant students who cowered upon such a task.  Rather than risking failure, they decided to immediately sell soap instead.  And why not?  If fortune smiles on you, you get to enjoy more compensation than those whose only pride are those three letters after their name.  Plus you don’t get to experience the harrowing madness of a CPA review and the heart pounding hours leading to the CPA Board Exam Results.

The CPA Review while enjoyable at times, rewards you with the realization that you were only trying to get by during your student days.  You put on a wry smile when you discover that your knowledge of the sleaziest bars and cabarets (oops, age clue right there) is completely worthless when you take the exam.  The only consolation you have is that you can say you enjoyed your college life to the fullest, but when you think about the predicament you are in, you still wonder whether all those hours spent ogling topless chicks was all worth it.

For most reviewers(me included), the CPA review is not actually a review.  More like a first view that you begin to ask yourself ‘how many times did I cut class?’.  Add to that the fact that for the entire six months of your review, your parents have been sending you tons of money just so you can review in comfort.  I would even think that the moneys sent to you were being considered investments, and it’s up to you whether you’re gonna be declaring dividends after the board exam or file for bankruptcy.

I do understand the immense pressure that each CPA reviewer feels.  I’ve been there.  Luckily for me, I managed to scrape enough points to see my name in the list of successful CPA board exam passers.

Had I been found wanting, I’m not so sure if I’ll ever subject myself to such an ordeal again.

To think about the numbers a person has done when he’s reached that milestone, why, it’s enough to make anyone nuts.  Dad however isn’t nuts.  For sure at that age he’s had some problem with his nuts. lol.  Nothing obscene about it, it’s just the way of the male species.  You don’t use your appendage to its full potential, and believe you me, some part of your body will rebel.  Oh well.  I’m sure glad Dad wouldn’t touch a computer with a 10 foot pole or there’ll be hell to pay.

I am one lucky dog though, having been blessed with the kind of father that I have.  I couldn’t appreciate him enough, couldn’t buy him enough things, couldn’t take him to enough places, I couldn’t tell him that I love him enough.  Come to think of it, I couldn’t tell him that I love him.  Period.  Too gay.  But he knows that I do in some ways, we are so bonded that those words are not necessary.  Before I turn into a total sap and completely lose control.  I just want the whole blogosphere to know that today, one of the greatest dads in the world is celebrating his birthday.

Happy birthday Dad!  Be sure to polish that backhand of yours, because next month I’m going home and I’m gonna wipe your ass all over the tennis court. lol.