I’m feeling really lethargic lately. I don’t know if it’s age creeping up on me or just the effects of drinking almost everyday. I am becoming the proper alcoholic that my uncle has groomed me to be, bless his busted liver. He’s dead now so there’s really not much for me to aspire to. He was always the easy going type, always looking for a good laugh… And good laughs for him are very easily found when his piss-drunk. In one night of extreme bingeing for example, he got into a terrible fight with the aunt and he climbed on their roof and started sawing off the house right down the middle. Sober heads prevailed and he was brought down, kicking and screaming.
I know I’m getting used to being alone now, but during times like these when I’m really feeling it, my solitude is like a 10megaton ball of iron that’s hanging round my neck. The pain goes somewhere that even the face-numbing effects of alcohol can’t reach it. I tried to just feel where it’s gonna end but it seems to be going down a bottomless pit. It just goes on and on and on that sometimes I think it’s worse than death. Death is something that ends, like a period. This is one long fucking hyphen.
I would buy a gun if I’m not too goddamn lethargic right now.
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