Nightshift Blues

This is my second night of doing the night shift. I should have written something about my first night but it has always been my fervent belief that a ‘first night’ should always involve a bed and perhaps a little pillow fight– so I desisted. I have talked to other creatures of darkness here regarding their experience in doing this nightshift thing. Most of them said they’ve had difficulty adjusting in their first month. Some said that they can only manage two hours of shuteye before crawling wearily out of their afternoon beds. I can only imagine the devastation that this lack of sleep would bring to their bodies. The image of an emaciated Christian Bale in The Mechanic readily comes to mind.

Yesterday, for fear of going insane due to sleeplessness, I resolved to do whatever means necessary to ensure that I can at least grab a couple of hours sleep before heading to the office. My sleeping tool of choice was three bottles of San Mig light drank in succession. It did put me in a drowsy mood right after and I was happily whiling away my afternoon delight in a snoring frenzy. I woke up at around 6 in the evening not with refreshed vigor but with an overwhelming hangover. My secret weapon turned around and bit me in the ass.

I resolved not to repeat the same mistake when I went home this morning at around 8. The good thing about mornings is that I absolutely enjoy spending all that time in bed (I was a pathologically tardy employee before because of this). This was the main reason I told my boss that I’ll be a good fit as a graveyard shift guy. True enough, the moment my head hit my pillow, I was in lalaland. I woke up at 1pm. 5 hours of sleep is already a luxury for me and I was a happy camper all throughout the afternoon.

Others are not so lucky.

In the Philippines there’s usually a premium paid to nightshift workers. I do not know the minimum government requirement but I do know that companies, especially call center companies, pay their graveyard shift agents a 10-20% (of their monthly salary) nightshift premium. While this may sound like a very good deal, I think it is only fair. Working at night is doubly hard, you not only had to contend with your usual tasks and responsibilities, there’s also the bothersome bout with drowsiness which means a portion of your brainpower is already allocated to ensuring that you stay awake.

There’s also a soft side to this whole nightshift thing. Some of the guys I talked to complained of temporary muscle dystrophy in their nether regions (don’t make me spell this out) after a full night’s work. A few even suggested that the happiness scale of their significant others have dropped considerably since they started turning night into day. This is a crying shame. In the end, money may be the ultimate aphrodisiac but tell that to some parts of your body — like flowers severed from their stems, some parts of our anatomy would rather wrinkle up and die– after doing a full nightshift. And no amount of scratching or stomping will ever motivate them to regain their usual vigor. Unless of course, you chose to ingest the blue pill instead of the red one– when Morpheus gave you the choice.

This post is brought to you in part by Viagra—guaranteed to harden your softening resolve.