Surreal: Z Gorres vs Vic Darchinyan

Here’s one for the books. Last Saturday night our very own Z “The Dream” Gorres fought against Vic “The Raging Bull” Darchinyan of Australia in an IBF (International Boxing Federation) eliminator in Cebu. I was actually looking forward to the fight so much so that against all delicadeza and decorum I shamelessly imposed myself upon a friend. He was enjoying a quiet evening with his kid when I called and asked if it’s alright if I can watch the fight at their house as he has a cable connection and all. What are friends for if you can’t abuse them right?

Anyway, instead of an explosive bout, we were treated to a comedy of errors, one that would have anyone who has a good appreciation of the absurd, rolling on the floor laughing.

First there was the referee. In the first round, he called a highly visible slip a knockdown favoring the Australian. When the slomo was played at the end of the round, it was painfully clear that there was no punch involved. Of course, as we are wont to do, plastic bottles rained on the boxing ring. Gah, we Pinoys are so passionate. The referee, a rather old guy from New Zealand must have quaked in his boots as he proceeded to rule at least three knockdowns after that miscall, as slips– this time favoring the Pinoy.

What can I say, we are a persuasive race, and the Kiwi must have been thinking he needed to make reparations.

At the end of the match everyone was blaming the referee. Poor guy. One popular boxing promoter was even demanding that he be banned from officiating boxing matches for life. Harsh.

Then there’s Darchinyan. The way he struts around the ring challenges Charles Darwin’s theory that we all descended from apes, either that, or this guy is of another species, one that descended from crabs. We couldn’t help but laugh everytime he bobs and weaves. Oh lord, my expat boss had more grace than that guy when he dances. Seriously.

And the icing on the cake was the judges of course. To make an appearance of a fair fight– heavens forbid that we Pinoys should be seen as biased and cheats who would do anything for a hometown decision—the promoters had three judges composed of one Australian, one Pinoy, and one Thai.

Towards the end of the match, a lot of the plastic-bottle throwing spectators (the throwing incident never abated by the way) were starting to move towards the exit, resigned to the fact that their homeboy lost. But then like a scene from some surreal movie, a weird thing happened; While it was painfully clear to everyone that it was a Darchinyan victory, the judges begged to differ. The ring announcer declared it a draw.

And here’s the killer, the Filipino judge scored it in favor of the Australian fighter, the Thai judge scored it in favor of the Filipino fighter, and the Australian, well, he scored it a tie. End result— DRAW.

What do you say to that? Holy guacamole, only in the Philippines.

photo from philboxing.com