Tales Of The Fencesitter » short story http://thefencesitter.com A pig walks into a bar, orders a beer, and starts to write.. Fri, 04 Nov 2011 11:13:02 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 Short Story Induced Blabber http://thefencesitter.com/short-story-induced-blabber/ http://thefencesitter.com/short-story-induced-blabber/#comments Thu, 31 May 2007 12:57:00 +0000 fence http://thefencesitter.com/?p=59


“And as he neared thirty he became not a little depressed at the inroads that marriage, especially lately, had made upon his friendships. Groups of people had a disconcerting tendency to dissolve and disappear. The men from his own college–and it was upon them he had expended the most time and affection–were the most elusive of all.” – The Rich Boy, F. Scott Fitzgerald

I don’t know if the author died a bachelor, was married, or a fag (I know I can always google this but I’m too lazy and I do not have the predisposition), but somehow this passage hit too close to home. Those who’ve been generous enough with their time and have actually read the drivel that I’ve been posting here are privy to the fact that this “M” word is one of my pet peeves.

In one portion of the story Anson, the main character, was saddled with a few days to kill, but all his friends are married and have gone off somewhere with their families leaving him to ponder what in blazes he would do with his time. What can he do really? There’s always alcohol I guess. Time does seem to fly when you’re in a drunken stupor and you watch it pass you by. I should know, I’ve been in this predicament more than a few times.

The thing about marriage is that it requires everyone to think twice before a member of it’s congregation is invited. When a friend gets married, his priority becomes his family and anyone who asks him out better ensure that when he says yes, it already has the blessing of his spouse otherwise the living room couch’s depreciable life is shortened. It is therefore the inviter’s responsibility to confirm that the married invitee’s answer is a conjugal response. Too much hassle I think. Too much tiptoeing on broken glass or skating on thin ice. That’s why I’d rather wait for the married friend to initiate the invitation. Less guilt that way.

I’m not sure if jumping on the marriage bandwagon is the answer either. Settling down has it’s perks and it’s plateaus but I’m not gonna belabor this point. I would rather have Ansonsay his piece on my behalf:


“I could settle down if women were different. If I didn’t understand so much about them, if women didn’t spoil you for other women, if they had only a little pride. If I could sleep for a while and wake up to a room that was really mine– why that’s what I’m made for, that’s what women have seen in me and liked in me. It’s only that I can’t get through the preliminaries anymore.”

I find it amusing that Anson refers to the initial stages of courtship as preliminaries. That’s tantamount to calling foreplay as a warm-up session. Still, for those who’ve bet huge portions of their hearts on somebody and lost, starting over again can be quite a stretch. I know of some folks who lost big and never recovered. This becomes especially daunting when you’re getting to that certain age. A person can only get up so many times and start over again. Oh well, this is getting depressing.

Marriage sucks until you find the love of your life and she accepts your proposal. Now where the hell did this line come from?

]]> http://thefencesitter.com/short-story-induced-blabber/feed/ 0